In the coming year

Right. While I know that these things are pretty silly, I'm still going to make a list of resolutions for the New Year. Those of you who spend far too much time with me are encouraged to beat me about the head with this list whenever you feel it is necessary. And yes, I know there are a lot of them.

• Lose 15+ lbs
• Get back into cycling regularly
• Spend 4+ hours a week in the gym or at the pool
• Go hiking in the Dripping Springs area
• Finish Road to Ruin
• Send 3+ short stories to magazines/publishers
• Sell 3+ items on Etsy
• Go running at least 3 times a month
• Complete my quilt
• Look into getting contacts- know the facts
• Buy and wear a 2-piece swin-suit
• Get cartilage piercings in ears
• Finish 3+ new short stories
• Complete Not Just One of the Guys
• Complete Unearthly Desires
• Get Edinburgh piece typed and finished
• Add herbs and aloe to dorm garden
• Find miniature ice-cube tray for dorm fridge
• Complete a second complete set of garb
• Get a job in Cruces
• Be happy and healthy

Two in one day?

List 10 OC's
1) Rheese
2)Hughnin
3)Riley
4)Maya
5)Takumi
6)Victoria
7)Joseph
8)Liam
9)Kian
10)Chloe

1)
1 (Rheese) and 5 (Takumi) wake up the next morning next to each other and naked. How do they react and what might have happened the night before?
Assuming that neither has anything to do in the near future, they would probably do one of two things: cuddle up and go back to sleep, or Rheese will go back to sleep while Takumi hoofs it to his studio. This sort of thing does happen, now and then- odds are good that Rheese was feeling lonely and Takumi was in need of a little physical affection, and there you go. Naked guys in a bed.

2)
3 (Riley) establishes a restaurant but needs some help. Who could be the cook? Who the barman? And who the waiter? Should 9 (Kian) or 7 (Joseph)be the doorman?
First, I would suggest checking to make sure Riley hasn't been brainwashed, as he is not the sort to put down roots. Otherwise...Takumi is a very good cook, and Maya would make a fairly good barkeep. Joseph, being a telekene, would be best at the door, provided you can get him cleaned up first.

3)
6 (Victoria) and 1 (Rheese) want to badmouth 7 (Joseph) in his/her presence. How will they do that?
In this entirely out of character moment, they would probably pick another language. Joseph is not bilingual.

4)
2 (Hughnin) is attacked in an alley. Who comes to their rescue? 5 (Takumi) , 8 (Liam) or 3 (Riley).
No doubt it will be Riley coming in and saving Hughnin's sorry butt, since Liam is pretty much useless in a fight and Takumi is a pacifist. Fighting for him is risking death-by-divine-lightning-bolt.

5)
5 (Takumi) is moving to a new city and therefore throws a big party. Who out of 1 (Rheese) , 4 (Maya) , 9 (Kian) and 10 (Chloe) would most likely NOT drink any alcohol to give the others a ride home?
Chloe. She doesn't drink anyway, as alcohol has a habit of doing very odd things to her.

6)
5 (Takumi) is in a car crash, how does 8 (Liam) react?
Complete. And. Utter. Panic.

7)
7 (Joseph) and 4 (Maya) go camping, but forget to bring any food. What do they do?
Maya will hunt down an animal large enough to provide her with a sufficient amount of blood. Joseph will probably go fishing.

8)
10 (Chloe) has to marry either 4 (Maya), 3 (Riley) or 9 (Kian). Who do they choose?
Kian. Chloe has a few issues with werewolves,and she's very much straight. Kian is a close friend of hers, and she trusts him.


9)
7 (Joseph) has to stay at either 5 (Takumi) or 4 (Maya)’s house. Who do they choose?
They all live together at the moment,but assuming that they didn't, Joseph would pick Takumi. Maya creeps him out just a little bit, and in the very least, Takumi will have food and coffee.

10)
10 (Chloe) writes a passionate signed love-letter to 1 (Rheese) without mentioning 1 (Rheese)’s name. But before the love-letter reaches 1 (Rheese) , 3 (Riley) finds it and thinks it is for him/her. What actions does 10 (Chloe) take?
Chloe would probably take it away from Riley and re-deliver it. By that point, however, Riley would probably have panicked and fled, as such letters remind him of Yuri.

11)
5 (Takumi) and 8 (Liam) are buried alive together. What are their last words to each other?
"This would  make an interesting painting, don't you think? In charcoals and greens...maybe a little purple."
"You're scared, aren't you?"
"Yes."

12)
God wants a second flood but only 3 (Riley) and one other person are to survive. Who would 3 (Riley) choose to preserve humanity?
Out of this motley collection of people? Probably Victoria- she's the only human girl he's on good terms with on the list. Actually, she's the only human girl on the list.

13)
As 2(Hughnin) enters her/his private chambers, 8 (Liam) lays naked in his/her bed. what will happen?
Liam is probably wrapped up in a bow, courtesy Rheese and Takumi on a sugar high. Hughnin would politely unwrap him and offer him clothes, then help him out the window so he can escape without being caught.

14)
4 (Maya) and 10 (Chloe) ask 9 (Kian) whether he/she wants to join a night in a threesome. How does 9 (Kian) react?
A very, very long pause, followed by a request that Maya not bite anyone.

15)
1 (Rheese) is a model for a nude drawing art course. 4 (Maya) and 7 (Joseph) are taking part in that course. What happens?
Maya wouldn't care. A model is a model is a model, and she has seen those who are far more attractive- in her eyes- than Rheese. Joseph would have a very hard time looking at Rheese outside class, but would be very good about it in the class. Rheese would just be tickled pink.

16)
8 (Liam) starts a cooking show, ten minutes later, what happens?
He would probably be chasing Rheese out of the kitchen and trying to keep Kaleo in his play pen.

17)
6 (Victoria) has to take over 3 (Riley)'s job for one day. What happens?
If it's on a day when Riley is being a bounty hunter, then she's in big trouble. If it's one of his many odd jobs,she would get by, more or less, until the day was over.

18)
1(Rheese) and 4 (Maya) are making out, 7 (Joseph) walks in. What is their reaction?
"I didn't know you dated outside your species, Maya."

19)
4 (Maya) would like to be 9 (Kian)’s apprentice. Would 9 (Kian) accept 4(Maya)’s wish? Why or why not?
Indeed he would. Kian likes to teach, and believes that there should be more vampires on the Retrieval force.


20)
2 (Hughnin) kidnaps 10 (Chloe), and demands something from 5 (Takumi) for their release. What is it?
Probably some old Elvish book that Hughnin desperately wants to read.

21)
3 (Riley) and 8 (Liam) are in mortal danger and only one can survive!
Riley, being a werewolf and a 4th tier sorcerer, is most likely the one to survive if they aren't together, in which case he is likely to either get them both out together or die trying to protect Liam.

22)
What excuse do all the characters have to escape from this meme?
 Rheese: I don't have anything else to do. Why am I escaping?
Hughnin: I'll get left if I don't go now.
Riley: I think I heard Yuri coming.
Maya: This whole thing is pointless.
Takumi: Inspiration strikes when and wherever it wants to.
Victoria: We have a schedule to keep. Hugh! Get in the car!
Joseph: I'm supposed to be at a soccer game in the park in ten minutes.
Liam: I-I-I....I need to f-feed Kaleo.
Kian: There's paperwork that needs doing.
Chloe: I can hang around a little longer, if you want.

Yes, another meme

ORIGINAL CHARACTER MEME

1) First list at least eight of your OCs:

1. Kian
2. Rheese
3.Takumi
4. Riley
5.Hughnin
6.Chloe
7.Maya
8.Victoria
9. Liam
10. Jesse
11.Joseph

2) Who is your favourite OC?
 Honestly? Rheese. He's such a goofball and not classically attractive in any way. He's tall and skinny and bony and his sense of style is...eccentric. But he has a heart of gold, a great sense of humor, and a serious crush that he'd rather not admit to.  What's not to love about the bit nut?

3) Who is your least favourite?
Jesse. Dear god, I went to town with this boy. Gave him every problem I could at the time and the result is...less than stellar. One of these days he's going to get a major overhaul and may come out of it half-way decent.

4) Who is your most developed?
Takumi. He's so very different from the elves I've played with before. He's a cross between two very different cultures, elf-wise, and an utterly bizarre little artist. He doesn't care about what other peoplethink of him, so long as they can respect his art, and he has worked hard to get where he is now. Everything about him,right down to his tattoos, has a story.

5) How many girl OCs do you have? Boy OCs? It OCs?
No its, though you might want to count Rheese as one, since not all of his other forms are male. Otherwise, there are three females and eight males.

6) If you were stuck in a burning building what do you think the third OC on your list would do?
Given that Takumi  is well-versed in fire magic...he'd probably snuff the fire.

7) Name one thing you regret about one of your OCs.
I regret making Chloe so two-dimensional. She's very easy to see through and more than a little boring.

8) Which of your OCs do you think would make the best father/mother/it parent out of all your OCs and why??
 Probably Hughnin. He loves to learn and to teach, and he knows the difference between just having a parent and having a parent (or parent figure) that matters.

9) Which of your OCs do you think will most likely be put in jail?
Jesse has been in before, and he'll probably wind up in again.


10) The eighth of your OCs was put into the future! What will their job be?!?
A teacher.

11) Name the first OCs catch phrase!
"Shakespeare is a classic, Ms.Chloe."

12) Do all your OCs live together or are they separated?
They all live in the same world right now. Kian,Jesse, and Chloe happen to be in the same city as everyone but Hughnin and Victoria. Riley is a hitchhiker. Within those divisions, Kian and Chloe live together and Jesse is currently camping out on their couch. Maya, Rheese, Takumi, and Joseph share a house. Hughnin and Victoria and are living out of the same car right now,and Riley is traveling with them.


13) Are there any pairings that are in your OC list?
Why yes!
TakumixRheese (casual)
RheesexTakumi (unrequited)
VictoriaxHughnin (getting there)
JessexChloe (unspoken)
JosephxMaya(crush)
RileyxYuri (VERY onesided)


14) Your seventh OC switched bodies with you for a day! How will they react at the end of the day?
Probably by telling me that I'm completely and utterly crazy.

15) Your fourth OC just became a fifteen year old. What do they do?
He would sit down and wait for it to be over. That was not a good year for him.

16) Now randomly select a person on your OC list. Who was it?
Hughnin


17) That OC you just chose? Yeah they think they are superman (even if they are a girl) and are on the roof about to jump off.
Good heavens, Hugh, just how much coffee have you had today?


18) Are any of your OCs bored of this meme?
Maya has already left. The others are tolerant of my insanity.


19) Would your second OC prefer the beach or the mountains?
The mountains. Rheese loves to explore.


20) Would your 5th OC battle a shark?
Indeed he would,were it necessary. He has in the past, after all. They make good meat.


21) Which OCs hate each other?
There is no active hating going on, though Maya feels she could do without the guys she lives with.


22) Which OC did you create first? And last?
First came Jesse. And boy does it show. Last...that would be Riley.


23) If seven and three got into a fight, who would win?
Since Takumi has taken an oath of pacifism, Maya would win.

24) What are your first 2 OC's favourite foods?
Kian's favorite food is fresh mango. Rheese's is anything Indian


25) If your listed OCs were in a fight to the death, who would emerge victorious?
Mmmm....if it's on a full moon, it might be Riley. Otherwise, Maya. She loves to fight and has no problem with killing.

26) There's a zombie attack and your OCs are stranded. Who do they elect to be their leader?
Maya or Hughnin. Vampires are immune to all known sorts of zombification,which makes Maya safe. Hughnin is already dead, which saves him.

27) During said zombie attack, who's the first to die?
Liam. No doubt about it.


28) Which one of these OCs do you think would have the most fangirls/boys?
Takumi already has them. Silly elf.

29) Okay, so does OC number four have any last thoughts?
Yeah, I do. Listen up, folks. Werewolves? We come in all kinds. Keep this in mind the next time you apply some Team Jacob stereotype to us.Yeah, the Native American wolves have it easier. Yeah, they can be real sweet when they want to be. They can, however, still tear your throat out with their bare teeth and like it when the moon is full. You're safer with a wolf who doesn't run with a pack by choice- like me. We tend to be calmer and more willing to negotiate, because it's probably a one-on-one fight with you and a lucky strike could hurt us.


30) If possible, what's your characters' height?
Kian: 6'8"
Rheese: 6'5"
Takumi: 5'7"
Riley: 6'1"
Hughnin: 5'10"
Chloe: 5'6"
Maya: 5'3"
Victoria: 5'10"
Liam: 5'11"
Jesse: 5'9"
Joseph: 6'


31) Can your characters dance?
To some extent, yes. Some are better- much better- than others.

TEN things about you
1. When I can't write, I go into withdrawal
2. I love cats to pieces, but I'm allergic to them
3. I like men's body washes more than women's
4. I love road trips
5. I hate walking into a room full of people
6. I like the security of having something around my throat
7. I usually drink tea and coffee for pleasure, not caffeine
8.I don't like being told that I can't do something just because I'm female/too smart/stupid/weak
9. I have a serious case of Mother Hen syndrome
10. I can learn songs so thoroughly that I can sing them without a thought.

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:
10) Drinking won't fix anything for you
9) I hope your projects go well
8) What's happened to you?
7) You've just lost the game
6) Thank you for being here
5) Kissy face!
4)Think of someone other than yourself for once
3) How long has it been?
2) Pineapples are tasty
1) Where is my music?


EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1) Listen to me talk about my characters and actually ask questions
2) Tolerate my fangirlish tendencies
3) Hold me when I cry
4) Respect me as a woman and as a human being
5) Talk to me
6) Listen to me
7) Bring me little surprises
8) Tell me I'm beautiful and mean it


SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
7) Where did I put that paper?
6) How tall is -insert character name- compared to -insert other character name-?
5) It's WHAT time already?
4) Mmmm....peppermint
3) I want a bubble bath
2) Kitty!
1) What did I forget this time?

FIVE people who mean a lot at the moment:
5) Jake
4) Mom
3) Chicky
2) Kora
1) Aunty Scoob

FIVE songs that you listen to often lately:
5) You Belong with Me by Taylor Swift
4) Bubbly by Colbie Caillat
3) Everyday Love by Rascal Flatts
2) I can sleep when I'm dead by Jason Michael Carol
1) Consequence Free by Great Big Sea

Guilt

We all have our moments when we feel guilty about things. Sometimes, though, it's about the strangest things. For example, feeling guilty because complaining about one's own life is suddenly pale when compared to the troubles of another- we all need to wallow in our own misery sometimes, to get over it, but it is impossible to do so and recover when a few words can make you feel so horrible about complaining that you don't know what to do with yourself.

What did I do to deserve this?

Fashion police!

I am not a fashion plate. Far from it, in fact, with my men's jeans and hiking boots and anime t-shirst, but I know idiocy when I see it, and I see a lot of it. Try to imagine some of the 'fashions' that I describe here. They don't make much sense, do they?

• Wearing socks with sandals is a time-honored fashion mistake. It's almost acceptable with sandals that strap on, but NOT with the sort of rubber shower sandals they've been appearing with lately. And as if that wasn't bad enough, this sock/sandal combo is being worn with basketball shorts that hang most of the way down the wearer's calf, so there may be up to four and as little as one inch of bare skin visible. The result looks like the pants have shrunk and someone was running late this morning. Shorts aren't shorts after they hang past the knees, right?

• I have nothing against afros or afro picks. Sure, yeah, fine, you left your comb in your hair this morning. But you need to have an afro! If you've got half an inch of fuzz and you wedge the pick in that....you look like an idiot. 
• Little zip-up booties are all the rage. They're cute, they're in, and they're all over. But if you're going to wear them, zip them up! Don't unzip them and leave the sides flapping around your ankles. This is not fashion. This is an accident waiting to happen.
• I don't care if leggings are in style, you don't throw leggings and granny panties on together and wear a short shirt with it.
• If you are a guy who naturally looks somewhat effeminate, either stop dressing in girl's pants and girl's hair styles or quit complaining when people think you're a girl.
• Uggs. There is a time and place for these chunky, slouchy freaks of shoe nature. While I personally think the only time and place is in a bonfire, they are acceptable with some outfits. Short-shorts and a frilly tank-top is not such an outfit.
• Borrowing your boyfriend's big button-up shirt and putting a belt on over it does not constitute a dress.
• There is nothing in the world that will make Spongebob, Dora the Explorer, Spiderman, PowerRangers, or Winnie the Pooh cartoon backpacks manly.
• If you are going bald, do not spike what remains of your hair and expect to be taken seriously.
• Zebra striped tights+ billowy bright yellow top thing+ stilettos+ sprint across the road = letting us all know more about your figure than we needed to know
• If you deliberately wear your shirts short, your jeans under your buttocks, and your boxers showing to the world. you should be taken out and shot
• In the same vein, your belt was not designed to hold your pants around your thighs or knees.
• Pockets have many uses. You can keep things in them, you can store things, and you can put your hands in them. If your pants have pockets and you need somewhere to put your hands, put them in your pockets. Do not shove your hand down the front of your pants and leave it there while strolling down the I-Mall.

Thank you.

An Obituary

Yoinked from KellyJane on DeviantArt.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain
Why the early bird gets the worm
Life isn’t always fair,

and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

He declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home without the burglar suing you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, by his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights; I Want It Now; Someone Else Is To Blame; and I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

(Printed in The London Times)

Okaaaay....

So. Interesting things have happened recently....

I have seen people doing many things on bicycles, including eating, drinking, speeding, crashing, and talking on a phone. The other day, though, I saw something that takes the cake: a guy hitting the bike path down onto the I-mall, dressing himself while he rode. Seriously, the guy has what looks like a granola bar sticking out of his mouth and his coasting across the lot, pulling on a black casual button-up shirt as he went. I LOLed.

And in then, yesterday, on my way up the hill from Chem Lab, I'm nearly run over by a skateboarder. This is nothing new- though thankfully not as common as it could be- but what made this unusual was that the guy was dressed up. Not just slacks and a button-up....a full suit. Weird much?

And then there's this: Swing Dancing FTW! Awesome much?

Well, what do you know?

I believe in personal comfort. I like to wear clothes that are comfortable. If what I'm wearing is uncomfortable, then I'm going to take it off or fix the problem. And in doing so, I've started to notice something: I cause a number of reactions in the people around me.

As an example: I am a person who hates hot weather, and I'm spending most of my time in an area where the average late summer/early fall temperatures hover in the 80s. I don't wear shorts, because I'm not a fan, so I run around in jeans and tanktops or t-shirts. I still get too hot. In my dorm room, I'll usually lose the top and lounge in jeans and a sportsbra. The kind that looks like a spaghetti-strap top cut off at the ribs.

If you look at the summer fashions common on campus, there are plenty of girls who show a LOT more skin while walking around in public.

I am by no means physically perfect. Given that societal norms involve being painfully skinny, with hair like so and proportions like so and eyes this color, 5'8'' of big-boned, curvaceous, somewhat chubby redhead is not going to just blend. As such, I have two options: desperately try to hide what I am and fit in, or say 'to hell with you, society. I like me and there's nothing you can do about it'. Yeah, I went with the second one.

Now, if I'm lounging around in an outfit that more than meets requirements for decency, I'm not going to scramble to put a shirt on if a friend drops by or my roommate returns- no complaints means no changing my habits. What happens when other people are outside is interesting...

Typically, if there is another girl outside when I open the door and am standing there in the aforementioned bra and baggy jeans, one of several things happens:

• The girl stares, shocked
  
• The girl looks disgusted
• The girl tries to ignore me
• The girl makes a hasty getaway
• The girl looks distinctly uncomfortable

The same happens when people are in the room visiting my roommate. There are covert glances my way and sometimes disbelieving looks. After watching all this and observing what society has to say about what a woman should look and act and think like, I have come to a conclusion:

In doing what I do and being happy with what I look like, I calmly take a sledgehammer to the pillars of the hierarchy of young women. According to the social system we pick up in middle school, the more perfect and conforming to fashion you are, the better you are, so that only those who strive to be exact replicas of women who pose for a living can rule. This system leaves the most self-conscious twits in power, and those who aren't good enough in no position to help themselves. I, however, am big, cuddly, pale, freckled, scarred, a little pudgy, bespectacled, have tan lines, have uneven nails, have calluses, and am not ashamed.

I intimidate the girls who can't imagine being happy without being perfect.

And I don't care.

A list

Exactly as the title claims, this is a list. What of? More like what not of. I've put all kinds of things on it. It's just that kind of day.

1. Perfume is a small-scale chemical weapon and should therefore be banned from enclosed spaces.
2. 12 red roses can make a cheap blue plastic pitcher look like it was actually meant as a vase
3. Building a massive virtual house: 3 hours. Furnishing it: Another hour. Setting the characters from your book loose in a home designed for them: Rewarding
4. Wii Bowling rocks
5. Rain is awesome
6. Kitties can fix any problem, so long as they hold still long enough
7. There is early, and there is EARLY, and early only ever happens to other people
8. Golf bags are accidents waiting to happen
9. Being comfortable with your body, even if it doesn't meet society's ideals, is a good way to tick off all the self-conscious girls on your floor.
10. You can listen too far into instructions
11. Cuddles fix everything that a cat can't
12. Engineers are weird
13. Twisting the norm is fun
14. Storms are humbling, awe-inspiring, and beautiful
15. You are never too old to jump in puddles
16. You can never have too many house plants
17. Scars are good things. They are proof that we have leaped on life, wrassled it to the ground, gotten our butt handed to us, and gone back for more.
18. Everything inspires
19. A little mess is conducive to the imagination
20. You are never too old for animated movies

Um.....okay?

I fail to see the point or amusement in pulling a fire alarm at GodAwful o'clock in the morning.

I also fail to see the point or amusement in pulling a fire alarm at GodAwful o'clock in the morning less than an hour after the first alarm.

I fail to see how fining students who are still in their rooms, trying to find their room key so they aren't locked out, for still being in their rooms when the fire fighters show up.

I also fail to see how it is my fault for being exhausted and sleeping through part of another alarm because of the two alarms that left me with three hours of actual sleep the night before.

I fail to see how it is my problem when my clips and marker boards fall off the door when a fire fighter tries to pound the door down and manages to break things.

I also fail to see how any of this pertains to my readers.

Happiness is...

I've had a lot to think about in the last few weeks. Things like money, and school, and relationships, and what makes me happy. The conclusion is, at least in part, this...

What happiness is:

• Thick slices of watermelon eaten on the back steps on a summer evening with the juice running down your chin and dripping on the concrete.
• Giving a little girl some blueberries and seeing her grin like you've handed her the key to the world, a new puppy, and all the pixie dust she could ever want.
• Walking outside and feeling the wind across your skin, smelling the rain on the breeze, and hearing the thunder in the mountains.
• Sharing a pint of ice cream and giggles over some cheesy chick flick with your little sister.
• Holding a piece of original art in your hands.
• Freshly mown grass under bare feet on a cool morning.
• Standing at a high point and looking down to see the lights of a city glittering at your feet.
• The flash of lightning striking a mountain.
• The taste of a homemade stuffed sopapilla on a long working day when you're hungry.
• Hearing about the shenanigans your friends are getting up to.
• Being hugged for a gift you made without ever expecting more than a few words of thanks.
• Cool tile against the skin of your bare back.
• Lying in bed and knowing you don't have to get up if you don't want to.
• The sound of rain on a tin roof.
• Damp, foggy mornings with the clouds wreathed around the mountains and the sun turning them pink and gold as it rises.
• Mist coming off old, crooked fence posts after the rain.
• A double rainbow shining on the horizon.
• Your favorite song on the radio as you drive off on an adventure.
• Knowing that you can walk down the street and turn heads, even though you don't always bother to actually do so.
• The thrill of seeing the voices in your head become concrete shapes on paper.
• Quail running across the road when they think nobody is coming.
• The scream of a hawk in a clear blue summer sky.
• Dark clouds rolling in over the mountain, throwing patches of shadow and liquid gold over the valley.
• Seeing a single shaft of sunlight lancing down out of a dark overcast sky.
• The purr of a contented cat.
• Being the shoulder for someone important to you to cry on.
• Getting an entire lunch for just three dollars, and dreaming of the next time you'll be able to buy such food food.
• Being loved, in any way, by anyone, for any reason.
• The feeling of having a plan.
• Cresting a hill and seeing the road and the world laid out before you, just waiting to be taken.
• Simply being.

*dies*

Oooh, God, I SO need this vacation!

Employment Errors

I have a few things to say on the subject of jobs, the people who do them, and the stereotypes formed about them.

First, concerning the fast food industry...the assumption of the general public is that, to be working in a fastfood joint- in any position, even manager- you are obviously uneducated, ill bred, not even remotely intelligent, thick-skinned, dull-witted, unobservant, in the wrong, and that you have all the time in the world to serve. In this area, it is also assumed that you are an immigrant, you are doubly ignorant and uneducated, you speak Spanish, and English is your second language, if you speak it at all.

Let's use me as an example: I graduated high school with a GPA over 3.0, I come from a prominent local family that has been in the area for generations, I am a Gifted student, and I have an ACT score of 29 from a test taken when I really didn't care about how well I did. If you insult me, I will take offense. I can make a quick, pleasant joke in the time it takes you to count out $.37 for me. I will notice that your hat was purchased in Kodiak Alaska, that your daughter is wearing a t-shirt from a small arts high school in Las Cruces, that you have a Rescue Rangers tattoo on your left bicep, that you have a classic New Yorker accent, and that you and your friends are tracking mud all over my clean floor. If I repeat your order back to you twice, say each item as you order it, and then you decide that you want something else after I've given you your food, it is not my fault. If there are three people behind you and a line trailing out the door after them, you need to be quick and clear to me, not yakking on your cell phone and holding up the line. I probably speak better English than you do, and I write it better, too. I speak enough Spanish to tell you that I can't speak it. I've very good at charades. I am a United States citizen, from a military family, and I don't appreciate being talked down to because I work with immigrants.

Second, concerning the work to be had at an airport...this is a small airport, we have only three service employees, and there is only so much we can do. If you have a problem with being served by a woman...tough luck.

I am a woman. I can haul fuel hoses as easily as any man. I can drive a fuel truck, tow a plane, fuel anything from a SuperCub to a Lear jet to a military helicoptor with no trouble. I will hand tow your little plane out onto the ramp if it needs to be, then go back inside and rent you a car, taking pause to answer the radio and tell someone what the temperature and windspeed are today. I can park a Sovereign jet, single-point fuel, and I perform a fuel-farm check in ten minutes. I'll jumpstart your plane for you, tow it all the way down the strip and back it into your tiny little hangar, and I will smile when I'm finished. After that, I clean the building.

I am fully capable. So are the other people in my position. Get over yourselves.

Meme for fun

Five things you will find if you open my bag:
-At least one notebook
-Spare change
-Too many pens
-Bubblegum
-A vampire novel

Five things in my bedroom:
-FMA pillow
-Realistic stuffed animals
-Heaps of manga and books
-A basket of clean laundry
-Artist's wooden model, desk size

Five things I’ve always wanted to do in my life:
-Travel
-Go parasailing
-Publish a novel
-Visit Mad Mama's Pie Shop
-Get a professional massage

Five things that make me very happy:
-Apple cider
-Homemade jerky
-Rain on a metal roof
-Lightning and thunder in the mountains
-Cats

Five things I’m currently into:
-Airplanes
-Volunteering
-Writing
-TetrisFriends.com
-Ornamental Plants

Five things on my To-Do list:
-Oil Change on the Jeep
-Hike Kachina Peak
-Get a Haircut
-Make garb
-Service my Bike

So here I am

It's two weeks into summer break. I've been working. And working. And working. But I have to say that, in spite of all the complaining I've been doing, it's not really that bad. There's something satisfying about climbing into the truck at the end of the day with your arms sore from lugging fuel hoses and knowing you did a good day's work. When someone thanks you for bring their plane out, or meeting them at the fuel station, it's nice. Even sweeping vast tracts of hangar floor is rewarding at some level. Maybe this all won't be so bad after all.

Sisters

I have a sister. She's roughly two years, four months, and twenty-four days younger than me. Up until recently, I meant as little to her as any other idiot from school, always getting on her nerves and best used as an outlet for her frustrations. Now, that seems to have changed. I don't know why it did, or what might have caused the change. But I have taken a second look at what having a sister really is, with the help of the two days we spent together this past weekend. And I think I have a fairly good idea now.

A sister......

...is someone who will get up at 0430 to help you move out of a dorm room and then stays awake across the most boring stretch of highway within hundreds of miles
...is the one who sits on the bench by the pond with you and feeds the ducks bread while everyone around you stares like they'd never thought of that before
...is the kind of person you can chat with for hours about some of the most mundane things
...is someone who doesn't mind driving for awhile so you can get some sleep
...thinks the detour because she drove past our intersection is cool, not an annoyance
...is sympathetic to your frustration at driving in a big city
...laughs like a loon when you get so far off the main highway that the tiny towns you pass through have one-lane roads and don't appear on the map
...will fangirl out with you
...wants to watch cheesy 80s movies with you
...feeds you M&Ms when you can't reach for them yourself because you're driving
...smears you with after-sun lotion and is sympathetic to your burns
...likes the meals you just throw together without a recipe
...comes in after a rotten day and just wants a hug
...blows up in your face, then apologizes and wants to talk
...hangs in your arms for no particular reason. She doesn't need one
...raves about musicals with you
...accepts your advice, even is she won't use it
...is indispensable, worth more than the world, and one of a kind

On winning and failing

So. Fails first:

Being lectured and yelled at within four hours of arriving home: FAIL
Having to go to work the day after I get home: FAIL
Getting in trouble for being one minute late because I couldn't find a shirt: FAIL
Being made to tow a 1.2 million dollar jet around the airport for kicks: FAIL
Getting sunburned repeatedly over three days: FAIL
Watch tan: FAIL
Little sister in tears over life: FAIL
Being informed that I'm working on Saturday: FAIL
Not getting paid at the middle of the month: EPIC FAIL

And the wins:

Spending two whole days with my little sister and not fighting once: WIN
Being horribly lost and giggling like loons about it: WIN
Being in a town so small that it doesn't appear on the map: WIN
Sleeping though your turn-off: WIN
Showing a pilot that young women are perfectly competent workers: WIN
Throwing a few things together in a pan and having them come out great in the oven: WIN
Actually having a sister who appreciates my company and skills: WIN
Making an apprantly perfect cherry pie: WIN
Clinging to a warm cat to cry and not having it run away: WIN


Yeah. So life has been interesting in many ways. Captain McHappyPants is alive a kicking. He bought 5 cans of mushrooms today because they were on sale. That, and three bags of grapes because 'it's the time of year when you can't find fresh fruit'. Dear God, I'm supposed to deal with more than another week of this! AAAGGHHH!!!

As the year comes to an end

It's 11pm on Wednesday night, and I'm sitting here, wide awake in a sea of boxes, worrying my fool head off. I'm tired but wound tight, and I can't sleep. I have an exam in nine hours.

I am packing my life into a bunch of boxes and putting it into storage until August.

I don't like it.

Musings

That's what college is for - getting as many bad decisions as possible out of the way before you're forced into the real world. I keep a checklist of 'em on the wall in my room.
Jeph Jacques, Questionable Content, 01-04-07

Topics of the day: Filming and roadtrips

First topic, filming, stems from the final project I'm doing with two other members of my Zombies and American Identity class. We're shooting a zombie film and writing a paper on it. Given that we're working with several people who really know what they're doing as far as filming goes, I've done little more than sit and watch. This morning, I was the expert. I'm the only one of them who has any experience at all with small planes. I made the calls to the airport. I talked to the woman at the desk, who apparently hadn't been told that a bunch of college students were going to invade with cameras. And I helped explain what kind of planes we could shoot, and which we could not. It's nice to be useful.

Second, concerning road trips...I was up at 5 this morning, so I could be fed and fully awake and out at the airport at 7. Got to see the sun rising over the Organs, pinking the sky and making the highway look bright and new. Yeah, I was a little cold, tired, and not looking forward to standing outside watching Ira play director, but when I crested the hill and came out on top of the mesa, with early light coming in through the rear window and Van Halen playing, I just wanted to drive. Past the exit for the airport, past the silly little tourist stop where they sell rocks and pet cactus, and just...drive. See where that road takes me. Even more than that, I wanted to find a two-lane highway and take that one, see what tiny towns I come across. I guess I have more of my Dad in me than I thought.

I find being categorized offensive

being categorized
If you haven't spent at least several hours with me, don't assume that I'm any kind of sterotype. You have no idea who or what I am, and if you're lucky, a few hours will be enough for you to get a grasp of my personality.

Perception

Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality. All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration. ~Niccolo Machiavelli

A very true statement. Depending on what I wear, where I appear, or what I happen to be doing, I have been assumed to be a goth, a punk, a bookish geek, a nerd, a horrible flirt, and a good little girl. Personally, I resent anyone trying to itemize me, but I think about it anyway; sometimes, it's fun to cultivate the image in someone's mind, then politely eat it for breakfast.

Sitting here at my desk tonight and looking at my room, I suppose it's easy to see where the mixed signals come from. There is a copy of the New York Times on my bed, one I spent close to two hours with this afternoon, leaning up against a FullMetal Alcehmist pillow. Further down the bed, a wholly sensible black bag with very opinionated pins and buttons all over it.
At the end of the bed, a handmade afghan, a teddybear, and a bag made from a mini-skirt that can stop traffic without being worn. All this is under a bookshelf, one shelf of which is devoted to comics. There are cheesy shojo manga, bloody shonen manga, offerings from Marvel, and all but one volume of The Sandman. Above it, Memoirs of a Geisha and Diana Wynne Jones share space with Laurell K Hamilton and Changeling. On the wall, two silk screen wall scrolls hang, one on either side of a printed page with the word FREEDOM on it. One scroll is for FullMetal Alchemist, a fairly commercialized anime. On the other, Sephiroth, a striking villain from a video game I've never played.
The rest of the room makes no more sense. Plants cover the desk, with action figures peeking out from under sweeping leaves. The philosophy of zombies shares space with a soap opera in comic book format and the Times from the beginning of the week. Tickets to a dance performance, schedules for the gym, and a writing tracker are stuck with magnets to various metal surfaces. Platform flipflops sit between a pair of sensible hiking boots and high black zip-up boots with massive heels. Tennis shoes are jumbled with slippers and a pair of battered sandals under the desk, next to a foam sword.

Nothing in here falls into a single category. I am not one thing, nor am I two things. I am what I think all real people are: I am human, variable, undefinable, and free of labels.

And I should be in bed. Ta!

Things that come in threes

Mmmm.....well...I think I'd go for a walk to start with, down to the tree at the end of the Horseshoe. I'd climb up into it and just sit watching the world go by for awhile, with GreenFire and Schanadie on shuffle in my ears. After that, I'd go get an iced coffee and a lemon tart and return to my room, light a candle, meditate, and then get down to typing. In an hour and a half to two hours, I could get a few thousand more words written.

Spring....

Sitting here this morning, I've actually let it sink in that the semester- and the year- are coming to a close. I have less than a month yet, and I will have survived my freshman year of college. Wow. It doesn't feel like that long, but here I am in the middle of April already. As of tomorrow, I'll have been here for seven months, and a student for eight.
This, of course, is what happens when my first class is canceled and I have the time to think on things. I've learned a lot. A lot more than I thought, in fact.

- Being friends with your roommate is not required, as long as you aren't trying to kill each other.
- Apparently, no matter where you are, the hush of early morning will follow you
- The sound of trains passing in the distance is not as eerie as authors would have you believe
- Cafeteria food isn't deadly
- Living with hundreds of other people in the same building doesn't mean you have to meet all of them
- Dorm rooms aren't as small as people say; they are only as small as you let them become
-The songs of a single musician with a guitar, sitting on a picnic table in the courtyard, is as good as a lullaby
-It takes all kinds
-The people behind the desk are exactly that: people
- You are living in the dorm, so actually LIVE in it
- So what if you're practicing your swordfighting in the grass outside the dorm? There was a whipped-cream fight last week

First rule of relationships: Ask questions

Ask questions
The other half of your whole can be a sexy little bundle of bliss, but not knowing more than that is a surefire way to a quick end. Ask. What do they do? Like? Hate? Want? Dream of?

Right....soooo

What do you do when you're suddenly so uncomfortable with your roommate that you don't want to be in the same room as them?

New roommates

So. Since I haven't seen my flesh and blood roommate since Friday night, I have secured several new roommates:

Kadaj- a titchy little jade plant, quite cute
Loz- A large and abnormally cute spider plant. Endearing when he shouldn't be
Yazoo- a slightly smaller and more elegant spider plant
A sixpack each of geraniums and some other flowering plant- known collectively as the Horde

The things I do to myself!

So here's where you can go to track my progress on the 31 day, 50000 word challenge that I have taken upon myself. Let's see how I fare playing with a Shifter named Rheese, his housemates, and one unsuspecting classmate with a mysterious egg.

An Exercise of Will

New Project *dodges smack*

Yeah. Like I should be taking on a new project in the beginning of April. Great idea. Uh-huh. Sure.

But I am. Really. The new project is the 'No Plot? No Problem! Novel Writing Kit'. I want to try it. I'm putting Kian and Chloe on the back-burner for a bit. They advise to do something new, and maybe I will. Now that I've started building the world they live in, it needs to be re-done anyway.

I may be starting a few days past the beginning of the month, but I look forward to seeing what I can do with this. Ready....set.....go!

Oh, and I posted a new theme list on ff.net. Heehee. Sephiroth is fun to play with!

Spring Break, Part I

So I'm home. I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere, and there were no disasters along the way.

I did get pulled over for running a red when I left campus. Talking to a cop at 0530 is not fun, but I managed, and I wasn't written up, for reasons I won't go into here. Leave it at the fact that I'm lucky.

The road to Alamogordo is long and boring, but there are at least quite a few rabbits out there, and a massive hawk on a power line. I will never like Border Patrol agents. I don't care what their job is, I can't imagine how the heap of laundry in the back of my car is even remotely threatening. It's a week old, yeah, but that doesn't make it a chemical weapon or anything.

Alamogordo. Is. Boring. Ech. I was on edge until I got past it. Stopped for pictures, and then I was off.

Two lane highway after Tularosa. One of the most adorable little towns ever, and then off in a flare of rising sun. I saw a roadrunner!

I have invented a game. Smile and wave at every semi truck that you pass. Often, they will wave back and look absolutely delighted that you waved at them. It's great.

Stop often. Take pictures. Run out of film after about four hours.

Pull off on a forest road to nap, take the last couple of pictures, then toss back a 5-Hour Energy and open a piece of bubblegum. Back on the road!

I don't understand why we take the interstate to get places. When you take it, here are a few things you don't see:

-A hawk or bird of prey perched on a power pole and silhouetted against the pre-dawn glow on the horizon.
-Rays of light streaming through the valleys of the mountains to the east.
-Seeing a glimpse of the land on the other side of the train tracks through the drainage culvert under them
-Cresting a hill and seeing rolling hills with dry grass so fine and gold that it looks like fur all the way to the horizon
- Tiny towns that are little more than three houses and a sign saying welcome.
-Roads winding through old pinon and juniper
-Seeing the smile on the face of a trucker when you smile and wave as he goes by
-Black cattle scattered across a field of yellow winter grass
-Flushing birds from the short grass at the side of the road and seeing them skim across the road or go up and then wheel away from you
-Watching clouds gather to the west, far away from where you are
- Just pulling over at the side of the road and wandering off for a minute
-Old, old graveyards hidden in the trees

Now you tell me....is it worth an extra hour?

Below we see four images. Three of them are takes on the characters of my novel, in order from left to right: Chloe Athena Marks, Kain O'Giro Y'inx, and Jessie Vian. If there's someone small, gray, and furry in there, his name is Fuzz. The first image is only Kian and Fuzz, by far my favorite of the Fuzzes.

Understanding- A short story

“That is it,” Torren announced, dumping his bag on the table and starting to peel off the polymer suit hiding his variable and only partially solid skin from the general public. “Cultural exchange my ass.”
“How did it go?” Xi asked, keeping his voice diplomatically mild.
“The only thing that could have made it worse would have been if there had been a dump of radioactive slag while I was there. And at least that would have been different!”
Xi snorted and followed after Torren, picking up the soft, floppy bits of Torren’s suit as he went.
“It couldn’t have been that bad,” he chuckled.
“It was! I had to-“ Torren stopped mid-gesture. He frowned, hunching over slightly, and began to cough. Xi watched him thump his fist against his chest, hacking loudly.
“Going to need a bucket?”
Torren shook his head between chesty coughs. After a moment, he spat a crumpled aluminum can into his hand.
“Ouch,” Xi hissed sympathetically.
“I’m full of this junk,” Torren croaked. He swallowed hard, the semi-solid portion of his throat rippling, and sighed. “I’ll be coughing it up for days.”
“I’m sorry,” Xi murmured. He set the suit to the side and settled on the couch. “Some here and relax while you tell me about it.”
Torren nodded wearily and put the can on the coffee table. He lay down between Xi’s legs. A small cloud of steam hissed up wherever they touched, produced by the hefty difference between their body temperatures.
“Now. Talk to me.”
“Well, first, don’t ever let me do that again. Or anything like it.”
“Noted.”
“Okay. I wasn’t the only one there. There must’ve been at least five or six others, from all over…five. One mountain stream, like me, a couple of lakes, one poor sap from the Dead Sea, and a subterranean spring. All six of us in a couple miles of river and all six of us fully grown. We were practically on top of each other.
Xi nodded and dug his fingers into Torren’s short, dark hair.
“Winter wasn’t too bad. Cold as hell, of course, but I’m used to that and I’ve had worse. There was a little ice-fishing, some skating, and one idiot who fell through near the south shore. Peaceful, I guess. And then spring came. The melt waters washed all the trash and junk off the shores, nearly all at once. The spring had to call it off and leave, he got so sick. It got a little better once the melt eased, for awhile. And summer started slowly; just some casual boating and fishing, the kind of idyllic pastimes you see in old books, y’know? The stuff that’s almost worship, in a quiet way. The parties started in July. Trash, kids, and all the remains from barbeque grills dumped in on us.”
He stopped talking to cough, half sitting up so he could try to breathe around it. Xi waited patiently, moving his hands down onto Torren’s shoulders to knead slowly.
When Torren could speak again, there were two more beer cans, an empty Spam tin, and a partially bald tennis ball in his lap and part of a fishing line hanging out of his mouth.
“Hook in my tongue,” he said carefully. “Get it out.”
Xi reached around and poked two fingers into Torren’s mouth, feeling blindly for the hook. He announced when he located it with a sharp yelp.
“Ow! It’s barbed!”
Torren snorted but didn’t move. After a moment, Xi managed to get a decent grip on the metal and began carefully working it out. It took a bit of whining on Torren’s part and some irritated muttering on Xi’s, but the hook finally came free. It was a treblehook that boasted an extra set of barbs at the junction of the branched hooks and four lead sinkers ranged up the line, which there was nearly three feet of.
“No wonder I’ve been feeling weird,” Torren muttered, shoving the line into the Spam tin and wiping a streak of pale blue blood off on his leg. “I’ve had lead in my system for months.”
“You left off around midsummer,” Xi said helpfully, pulling Torren back down into his lap. “Keep talking. I want to hear about everything.”
“Near the end of the summer, the frat boys showed up. I thought the parties had been bad before…I wound up with a hangover after this unbelievably rowdy kegger. I kid you not. I actually had to crawl out of the river to barf in a bush and just lie in the grass to feel horrid for awhile. They managed to dump or spill that much beer in the water.”
“Poor baby.”
“Things calmed down a bit in the fall; decent weather, fewer people….a few leaves on the water when they were just starting to fall. For a little while, it was almost as good as my own bed.”
He sighed and turned onto his side, resting his cheek on Xi’s stomach. Xi stroked his hair gently.
“Autumn is very wet there,” he murmured. “There was flooding upstream of us, and we were swollen with it, all the mud and the trash and the dead and the chemicals from industrial operations. They had to pull me, the other spring, and the guy from the Dead Sea out for detox……they quit when we were cleared. I went back. Two weeks later, the bed was dredged. Someone had gone missing while we were out.”
“Did they find whoever it was?”
Torren nodded faintly, digging his fingers into Xi’s side.
“She was nine. She did ballet and liked horses. Wanted to be an actress when she grew up.”
Xi’s skin rippled, leaking small hisses of steam at the corners of his eyes.
“Oh, Torr…she wasn’t-“
“In my chest,” Torren whispered.”Nine days dead and eight days in the water. When they pulled her body from me a young eel fell from her mouth. I couldn’t sleep for days after.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“She still had her backpack on. It was purple and white, and there was a doll inside, dressed like a director, and a pair of ballet shoes.”
“Torr-“
“She was raped after she died. Not before, Xi….after. She told me. She watched him”
Xi opened his mouth to say something else, but Torren spoke before he had the chance.
“Her name was Leilani.”
“It happens.”
“Not to me! It’s not my lot in life! I exist to become a part of a larger whole, to carry the melt to the rivers and lakes. I feed the soft meadows and the tiny flowers. Mine is the delicate and the rare- life, cold and sweet and clear! I don’t kill! Death is not what I do! I shouldn’t have had to hold her spirit until they pulled her body from the water and she followed after it. She was crying, Xi. Crying because she knew. She knew it was all over. She knew that the sorry creep who did this had done it to others. I shouldn’t have to bear that!”
“Death is the ultimate equalizer,” Xi whispered, stroking Torren’s hair hard and trying to ignore the water trickling over his stomach and leg. It was icy cold, and there was enough of it to lower the heat simmering under Xi’s skin.
“What did she have to balance? She was an innocent child.”
“There’s more to it that you’re telling me, isn’t there?”
Torren nodded silently. Xi sighed.
“Tell me everything, Torren.”
“I’ve….I’ve seen death before. I run through a forest where once there was a tribe of humans hunting the animals that bedded and grazed in the green places, and I saw them die. I saw it but I didn’t really get it. It’s different when a fish or a plant dies….it feels different. With Leilani, I felt it. I touched it and I tasted it and I was surrounded by it. And I still don’t understand it! Why can’t I understand it?”
“Death is nothing to us, since when we are, death has not come, and when death has come, we are not.”
“What?”
Xi smiled.
“So said Epicurus, a philosopher of Ancient Greece. It means that we do not know or understand death while we live, and, when we die, we still won’t understand it. We are never the same thing, and can therefore never truly grasp what it is, just as death will never know what we are.”
Torren sniffled miserably.
“I don’t understand.”
“You’re young, Torren. You’ll understand it someday.”
“You’re telling me riddles.”
“I was born when the Ice Age was just beginning and I still do not entirely understand it. Time and experience teaches us what scholars cannot, after all. Wait until you have more than just a few hundred years under your belt. Wait until your passing has worn a canyon into the forest and the trees there tower far above you, so it is always twilight in your bed. Wait until a new spring is born to bolster your source and swell your shores. There will be falls from your cliffs, and accidental drownings nearer to the valleys where humans gather to picnic and vacation. You will understand parts of it then.”
This news prompted Torren into fresh tears. Water ran from his skin as well, coming from nowhere in response to his emotions. Xi shifted uncomfortably but held him close anyway.
“I don’t want to have to know it again!” Torren wailed. “It was like everything that had ever sunk into my bed and returned to the earth was back and I was buried in it all. I was suffocating in it. There was no water, no air, no world around me. Just death. I can’t do it again.”
“Death can neither be stopped or defeated, Torren. It comes to us all. I’m just lucky in that it hasn’t come for me yet.”
Torren hiccupped and choked on his tears. Xi sighed and lifted him into a sitting position.
“It was a terrible thing that was done to her,” he said softly, rocking him slowly. “Children should not have to learn how cruel and cold the world can be when they are still learning where they are in it.”
“I wanted to help.”
“We can’t.”
“I know, but I thought, maybe……when I asked, they told me to go back to my part of the river and forget about it.”
“Good advice.”
“How can I forget that? How can I forget what it felt like to hold a soft body against my heart and feel it coming apart? How can I forget what it was like to see a crayfish nibble at her eyes? Am I supposed to discard the ghost of a child hovering around my face as a normal thing? Does death mean so little?”
“No, Torren, it doesn’t, but it is treated as such because there are few who could go on with living if they didn’t discount it as a little thing worth no attention.”
Something solid shifted in Torren’s belly, pressing hard enough against him to separate the pebbles patterning his skin. Torren shuddered and gagged, apparently trying to get rid of it. Xi watched him, waiting to see if his help was going to be needed. Torren gagged again, jerked, and a bundle of water weed and wet leaves fell into his hands. He pawed the plants away and showed Xi what had been inside it.
It was a cloth doll, one with short, dark hair, square-framed glasses, and a megaphone in one hand. A folding cloth and wood chair with DIRECTOR printed on the back lay under it, folded flat for storage.
“She gave it to me,” Torren whispered. “She thought I was all alone. I was the only one of us she could see.”
“You held her body,” Xi explained, touching two fingers to the doll’s face. He saw, for a moment, a young girl with short, curly brown hair and big blue eyes, pirouetting across a classroom with the doll in her hand. He smiled faintly. “A part of her remains with you. That is the way it is. We are living vaults of memory.”
“It hurts.”
“I know.”
“Will it stop?”
“Never.”
“Never?”
“It dulls, after a time. Life goes on. Time passes. Cities rise and fall. The earth turns and the tide comes in. We go on in our course, remembering and holding as we always have. There is more joy in the world than there is sadness, more than enough life and laughter to wrap death in and soften the hard edges.”
“Really?”
Xi nodded and wrapped his arms around Torren, pressing the doll agasint Torren’s chest. He squeezed him gently. Torren curled into the hug, letting the water weed and leaves slide off his leg and onto the floor with a wet splat.
“Really.”
“And you’ll never let me talk myself into doing a cultural exchange program again?”
He snorted.
“I make no promises. Now get off me, little one, we need to clean up before those weeds stain the floor. I doubt we’ll get our deposit back if we leave water stains all over.”
Torren nodded and got off the couch. He held the doll up, looking it in the embroidered eyes for a moment, then held his hand over it and drew upwards. Water streamed from the wet fabric, moving up to his hand in smooth ribbons until the doll was dry. Satisfied, he swallowed the water and carried the doll to the nearest window sill.
While Torren and Xi picked up weeds and trash, the little doll watched from its chair on the sunny windowsill. The shadow it cast shivered, then morphed into one belonging to a ballerina in a stiff tutu. The ballerina waved, and vanished.
Xi waved back when Torren wasn’t looking.

Things I have learned....today

First off: Starbucks isn't as bad as all the people at home claim it is. While it does seem a bit overpriced, the coffee is good for a massive chain store, the service is good, the atmosphere isn't bad (and it's great for people watching), and they make a killer lemon tart.

Second: English workshops are highly underrated and actually worth putting aside an hour of your evening to attend. I was surprised, but I learned a few things and had some fun, actually.

Third: While I know that my hobbies are not always the most popular or publicized, there are still many out there who practice them. I am not alone, and I have friends in places I didn't know I had them.

Fourth: Sometimes, all you need to perk up is to walk down the sidewalk in the dark, balancing on a wall with your music on and your head held high.

Fifth: Even when I'm feeling plain, I can still turn heads.

Sixth: I can help, even when I don't really know what to do.

Ugh

It has been twelve days since I last posted. *sigh* And here I was trying to keep this regular. Ah, well.

So. I have had headaches off and on for the last week or so. Why? STRESS on all sides and of all kinds. It sucks royally, but so far I'm soldiering through it. I don't know how but....well, it's working.

I think I'm gaining weight. Maybe it's just me, but it's starting to bug, so I'm thinking about trying to do something about it. We'll see how that goes.

SPRING BREAK is almost here! If all goes well, I'll spend a day or two at Aunt Scoob's,then go home for the rest of break and come back the following Saturday. I think I'll go through Las Vegas this time. It's a lot prettier than taking the interstate. *shudder*

I get to take as much home as possible, to lessen the load I'll be taking at the end of the semester. That'll be....interesting.

Anywho, here I am, tired and headachy but alive.

Education

Some things I have learned recently:

1. Watching Dawn of the Dead (1970) and then walking back to one's dorm alone in the dark is a good way to spook yourself.
2 Going to bed without turning the air on is both a good way to wake up hot at 2am and also an excellent way to wake up convinced that there is some horrible reason it's so quiet.
3. Just because the sun is behind the clouds does not mean it's going to be nice, cool weather.
4. When I am sleepy and not happy about it, I look like a disgruntled cat.
5. Sleeping in the nude is a delightful practice and is possible in a dorm room if you go to bed after and get up before your roommate or are good at both undressing under the covers and not kicking said covers off.
6. Fellow nerds and geeks can be harder to pinpoint than you'd think.

Seen

Seen on a bumpersticker: Make tacos, not war.

Backed into a corner

Well....here I am, utterly mired down. I don't know what I should be doing here. I'm overdrawn and still owe for my dorm. I have to buy more books for my English class. I have to attend performances. Does anyone know a night club looking for dancers? I can learn.

And, if that wasn't bad enough, I've got issues on all sides. One of them is quietly digging into a hole and doesn't see it. Another...so emotionally attached to me that I don't want to know what will happen some Summer Break. When my not attending a weekend roadtrip becomes reason for emotional episode on either side, it's a problem. And, of course, there's everything else.

What am I supposed to do?

Where I am at the moment

Here I am again, attempting to be social and all that.

I'm going to try and write something here at least once a day, and to put up something I think warrants a little thought and attention. It may be anything, and it may be very little, but it will be something.

Today, let's not underestimate the healing power of a good meal. I was feeling kinda bleah before lunch, but a good serving of beef teriyaki made with my fav ingredients was the pick-me-up I needed. While I'm still not 100%, I'm better than I was.

Thought provoking thing of the moment:

*fanfare*

Well. Hai thur. Thanks to some encouragement, here I am with yet another place to lurk and remember to keep track of.

Anywho, I be LadyNightRunner; writer, roleplayer, student, and fangirl. Until I have enough brain cells available to decide what a decent post actually is, I'll leave it at this:

"It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value."
- Arthur C. Clark