I am not a fashion plate. Far from it, in fact, with my men's jeans and hiking boots and anime t-shirst, but I know idiocy when I see it, and I see a lot of it. Try to imagine some of the 'fashions' that I describe here. They don't make much sense, do they?
- Wearing socks with sandals is a time-honored fashion mistake. It's almost acceptable with sandals that strap on, but NOT with the sort of rubber shower sandals they've been appearing with lately. And as if that wasn't bad enough, this sock/sandal combo is being worn with basketball shorts that hang most of the way down the wearer's calf, so there may be up to four and as little as one inch of bare skin visible. The result looks like the pants have shrunk and someone was running late this morning. Shorts aren't shorts after they hang past the knees, right?
- I have nothing against afros or afro picks. Sure, yeah, fine, you left your comb in your hair this morning. But you need to have an afro! If you've got half an inch of fuzz and you wedge the pick in that....you look like an idiot.
- Little zip-up booties are all the rage. They're cute, they're in, and they're all over. But if you're going to wear them, zip them up! Don't unzip them and leave the sides flapping around your ankles. This is not fashion. This is an accident waiting to happen.
- I don't care if leggings are in style, you don't throw leggings and granny panties on together and wear a short shirt with it.
- If you are a guy who naturally looks somewhat effeminate, either stop dressing in girl's pants and girl's hair styles or quit complaining when people think you're a girl.
- Uggs. There is a time and place for these chunky, slouchy freaks of shoe nature. While I personally think the only time and place is in a bonfire, they are acceptable with some outfits. Short-shorts and a frilly tank-top is not such an outfit.
- Borrowing your boyfriend's big button-up shirt and putting a belt on over it does not constitute a dress.
- There is nothing in the world that will make Spongebob, Dora the Explorer, Spiderman, PowerRangers, or Winnie the Pooh cartoon backpacks manly.
- If you are going bald, do not spike what remains of your hair and expect to be taken seriously.
- Zebra striped tights+ billowy bright yellow top thing+ stilettos+ sprint across the road = letting us all know more about your figure than we needed to know
- If you deliberately wear your shirts short, your jeans under your buttocks, and your boxers showing to the world. you should be taken out and shot
- In the same vein, your belt was not designed to hold your pants around your thighs or knees.
- Pockets have many uses. You can keep things in them, you can store things, and you can put your hands in them. If your pants have pockets and you need somewhere to put your hands, put them in your pockets. Do not shove your hand down the front of your pants and leave it there while strolling down the I-Mall.
Thank you.
